I went through my old composition notebook today.


Man, I went through some strange times.







One thing I noticed: the worst brings out the best in me.

I need more outlets.

This is getting fucking ridiculous.

Uninterested. Unstimulated. Indifferent. Impartial. Uncaring. Apathetic.

Still. Still. Still. Still. Still. STILL. STILL. Unmoved.



I am so empty.
I can't feel anything right now.





Everything makes me sick. Gives me a fucking headache.






Fuck. Prolonged. Sobriety.

This will do. Cold Brains will do.


Cold hands won't. I'm sick of my fucking hands being cold all the time.
This gets so irritating.


Everyone is so far away. Especially now..
I'm crazy all

by myself.





Fuuuuuuuckkkk.

I've slipped back, I fucking know it.
At least not as far back this time.

I'll be fine.
Everyone else will be fine. We'll all be.


Nobody better fucking let go.

I tried to sound a little more normal this time.

None of my blogs make sense. It's weird.

I mean, I purposely made them that way.
But I don't know... Sometimes it's nice to be understood.
I forget that.


My brother is back.
It's really nice to have him here again, I missed him a lot.

I really want to be a positive influence in his life. Everything I went through when I moved back here... I don't ever want him to have to go through that.
I'll make sure to be there.

...
I'm more worried for my dad.
I just want him to be stronger. I get so sick of seeing him broken.
It's fucking unhealthy.

But that's nothing new.


You know what is new? School is new.
And aside from a few minor irritating things, it feels great to be academic again.
I fucking love it.

I feel a new beginning.
On more than one level.

It's a breath of fresh air.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

For a while there I felt myself falling back.
Slipping back into that indifferent sobriety. Maybe not a literal sobriety but...


I dip back every now and then, but for the most part I've been feeling pretty good.
I say that everytime, but I just can't get over the fact that
this
feeling
has
not
left.